A Lost Friendship

Photo courtesy of Don Matt

Have you ever thought you should feel guilty about something, then felt guilty because you didn’t feel guilty? It sounds ridiculous, and I’m sure it is. A decade or so ago, I became friends with someone. She was not an easy friend, and one of my good friends did not want to be around her. I found a lot to like about her, and insisted on being honest with her when my other friend refused to play in a monthly card game with her. My so-called difficult friend was happy to know why this was happening, and she changed some behaviors which made it difficult to be in her company. She honestly wanted to improve herself, and through the years she stopped a number of habits which were questionable. Last year, I continued my honesty when she frightened me with her driving. I felt she was an aggressive driver, and told her so. She did not want to know this. Then a couple of other situations came up and our friendship ended. She tells me life is too short to be around people that bring her down. This situation has caused me to examine what is meant by people pleasing, and also to think deeply about special relationships. It’s a subject I have never wanted to examine, and that causes me to think I need to do it. And so I will!

“Guilt feelings are the preservers of time. They induce fears of retaliation or abandonment, and thus ensure that the future will be like the past. This is the ego’s continuity. It gives the ego a false sense of security by believing that you cannot escape from it. But you can and must. God offers you the continuity of eternity in exchange. When you choose to make this exchange, you will simultaneously exchange guilt for joy, viciousness for love, and pain for peace.”

—A Course in Miracles T-5.VI.2:1-7

“We should examine ourselves and learn what is the affection and purpose of the heart, for in this way only can we learn what we honestly are. If a friend informs us of a fault, do we listen patiently to the rebuke and credit what is said? Do we not rather give thanks that we are ‘not as other men’? During many years the author has been most grateful for merited rebuke.”

—Mary Baker Eddy - Science & Health Page 8:28-3