All iIn The Way You Carry It

 

Innocence and Experience

creations of Sandy Starbird

I am thankful for my friends. You who are the kindest, wisest, wittiest, most compassionate, most thoughtful -- you know who you are, and I am eternally grateful. Much love...

Heavy 

by Mary Oliver

"That time

I thought I could not

go any closer to grief

without dying

 

I went closer,

and I did not die.

Surely God

had His hand in this,

 

as well as friends.

Still I was bent,

and my laughter,

as the poet said,

 

was nowhere to be found.

Then said my friend Daniel

(brave even among lions),

“It is not the weight you carry

 

but how you carry it—

books, bricks, grief—

it’s all in the way

you embrace it, balance it, carry it

 

when you cannot, and would not,

put it down.”

So I went practicing.

Have you noticed?

 

Have you heard

the laughter

that comes, now and again,

out of my startled mouth?

 

How I linger

to admire, admire, admire

the things of this world

that are kind, and maybe

 

also troubled—

roses in the wind,

The sea geese on the steep waves,

a love

to which there is no reply?"

Heart Songs

 

​One thing I’ve discovered during this pandemic is that, without commercials, there are actually some good shows on television. I have fallen in love with Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist. It’s the most innovative musical I’ve ever seen, with wonderful actors and fine writing. The main character’s parents are Mary Steenburgen and Peter Gallagher. At the end of the first season, the dad character dies. Having seen that event before Kevin’s passing, I didn’t have the heart/nerve to watch more. After his memorial today, I watched the next episode, which supposedly takes place six weeks after the character’s death. Watching their struggle to start living again, I realized how much I have shut down during the last four weeks. I appreciate the insights and wonderful stories I heard from Kevin’s friends all around the country during our Zoom chat today. It has helped, talking to people who loved him. In the television show I’ve referred to, Zoey hears people singing what they’re thinking. She calls them “heart songs”. It’s easy to avoid things we deem too painful to face. I’d really like to pull the covers over my head and sleep until spring. Hum — maybe just until the temperature is over zero degrees?

“Ill-arranged notes produce discord. Tones of the human mind may be different, but they should be concordant in order to blend properly. Unselfish ambition, noble life-motives, and purity, — these constituents of thought, mingling, constitute individually and collectively true happiness, strength, and permanence.” Mary Baker Eddy - Science & Health Page 58:5  

One Foot in Front of the Other

 

statues and photography by Dale Johnson

Perhaps it’s because we’ve had a frigidly cold week, with even lower temperatures to come in the next few days. Maybe it’s because we haven’t had much sunshine during these introspective days. Could be because Kevin’s been gone four weeks, it’s Valentine’s Day, and we’re having his Zoom memorial. Whatever the reason, I’m depressed. Today we had a recording session for one church and an actual service at another, and I thought about lying and saying I was sick and couldn’t do it. But I’m glad I didn’t. Sharon sang an incredibly beautiful solo and I played better than usual, and the sun even shone for a few minutes! So I’m happy I got out of the house. I’m not telling you this to cause worry or ask for help; it’s just the way it is today. I’m writing this with Tina Turner singing the Lotus Sutra in the background. Sanskrit chants will lull me to sleep tonight and I’ll wake up with 528 hertz frequencies to facilitate healing. I can’t keep from thinking this ennui is good for me; it will help me develop empathy, which Kevin often said I needed to do. Whatever the case, I know it won’t leave me where it found me. Much Love sent to all this day...

“Willingness to become as a little child and to leave the old for the new, renders thought receptive of the advanced idea. Gladness to leave the false landmarks and joy to see them disappear, — this disposition helps to precipitate the ultimate harmony. The purification of sense and self is a proof of progress.” Mary Baker Eddy - Science & Health Page 323

 photo credit: Aaron Springston

Snowy Night by Mary Oliver

Last night, an owl

in the blue dark

tossed

an indeterminate number

of carefully shaped sounds into

the world, in which,

a quarter of a mile away, I happened

to be standing.

I couldn’t tell

which one it was –

the barred or the great-horned

ship of the air –

it was that distant. But, anyway,

aren’t there moments

that are better than knowing something,

and sweeter? Snow was falling,

so much like stars

filling the dark trees

that one could easily imagine

its reason for being was nothing more

than prettiness. I suppose

if this were someone else’s story

they would have insisted on knowing

whatever is knowable – would have hurried

over the fields

to name it – the owl, I mean.

But it’s mine, this poem of the night,

and I just stood there, listening and holding out

my hands to the soft glitter

falling through the air. I love this world,

but not for its answers.

And I wish good luck to the owl,

whatever its name –

and I wish great welcome to the snow,

whatever its severe and comfortless

and beautiful meaning.

Wrong-Mindedness or ...

 

photo credit: Aaron Springston

Every moment of our lives have been spent getting us to the point at which we are now. I know some folks who want to hold on to their past, and others who wish they could change their past, then there are those who have grown through experiences and continue this expansion of thought. I am wondering why some people seem to feed on turmoil and drama, creating it to keep themselves upset -- or perhaps amused. Hum, it would never occur to me to be entertained by anger and other base elements of human behavior, but it seems some want to be in the middle of heated battle or else they are -- they are what? Bored, I think. Maybe it's something else. I know a young woman who is trying to create difficulty for herself and another family member. Perhaps what I'm witnessing is an exhibition of low self esteem, which she hopes to boost through righteous indignation and belittling of others. Or maybe I'm misinterpreting the whole situation. So in the desire to not create a competing drama, I'll just watch and see what transpires, knowing only good can come of this. Namasté ...

"Wrong-mindedness listens to the ego and makes illusions; perceiving sin and justifying anger, and seeing guilt, disease and death as real. Both this world and the real world are illusions because right-mindedness merely overlooks, or forgives, what never happened. Therefore it is not the One-mindedness of the Christ Mind, Whose Will is one with God's." A Course in Miracles - Clarification of Terms 

Sharing Good News

 

photo of the day from The Christian Science Monitor

​Today my entire news intake was from the Christian Science Monitor -- and I feel great! The first in-depth article I read was about the workings of a 50/50 Senate. Next came a story about the Royal Canadian Mounted Police and the country's wishes that they become peacekeepers, rather than a policing agency. Then I read about something I had not considered: what happens when a high school social studies teacher is part of the crowd which stormed the Capitol on January 6? And what if it was a teacher who marched for #BlackLivesMatter? Who gets to decide which teacher should be fired and which stays? It should be an easy matter of determining who was exercising their right of freedom of speech and who was doing so in a detrimental manner to humanity. But it's not always simple, so we need a fair witness to decide these things -- an honest judge, a non-racist school board -- people who will look at law and facts objectively and provide a fair ruling. Up next was an article about South African women who make saving money a 'social pact'. They realized it's more expensive to be poor, so they create groups which do everything from buying food in bulk to purchasing housing. As one woman said: "Alone, you have all these barriers, but when you pool your money, they begin to fall down." Strength, unity, trust -- yippee! I just realized if I described every informative, fun topic I read today, this would be far too long. So I'll stop. Cheers to finding facts without fear!

"In the sacred sanctuary of Truth are voices of solemn import, but we heed them not. It is only when the so-called pleasures and pains of sense pass away in our lives, that we find unquestionable signs of the burial of error and the resurrection to spiritual life." Mary Baker Eddy - Science & Health Page 232

Let It Be

 

photo credit: Aaron Springston

I once heard it said that a person will be more disappointed about things they did NOT do than things they did do. My hope for humankind is that we stop beating ourselves up about past things, whether we did them or not. Replacing disappointments with forgiveness, we can experience peace. Whatever we have done, it’s okay. As I’ve quoted previously, It’s what we do in the present which redeems the past and changes the future. The present, right now: It’s what we’re doing right here and now which brings redemption and peace. I’ve looked at my life with an eye to regrets. Of course, there are many times of wondering what might have been, had different turns in the road been taken -- but overall I have no disappointments about choices. I like my life: yesterday, today, and tomorrow. (Smiley-face emoticon)

“If Life has any starting point whatsoever, then the great I Am is a myth. If Life is God, as the scriptures imply, then Life is not embryonic, it is infinite. An egg is an impossible enclosure for Deity.” Mary Baker Eddy - Science & Health Page 550:20